i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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