his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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