no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
