Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
