Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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