Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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