dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
