I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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