Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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