what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
