If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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