no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
