So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
