Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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