We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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