I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
