Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
