is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
