I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
