Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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