I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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