you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
