So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Found the puke drawer
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
