he wants to bone in the snuggie
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
