Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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