I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
