I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
