Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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