god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
