Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
