you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
