So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
