guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
