How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
