I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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