if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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