That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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