his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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