I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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