Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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