i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
