What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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