I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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