hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i came on her dog
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
