Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
