70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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