Pappa wants mamma naked
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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