tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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