it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
