what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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