Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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