My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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