Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
