You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
