Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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