a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
