That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
