Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
