Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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