we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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