There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
