Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
