puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
