Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
