Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
