who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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