I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
