Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
