i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
