i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
