he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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