"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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