I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
