At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
