I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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