Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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