I faked an abortion last night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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